Lyrics: My Daughter The Broad
01:
reelin' & rockin' #1
02: children run away (the man with the candy)
03: where's jerry lewis?
04: i'm evil, jack
05: April fools (he had the change done at the shop)
06: the boys with the boys
07: i'm sad the goat just died
today
08: gwendyln macrae
09: put your finger
in the dike, stop the leak
10: god is gay
11: i love u (you know i don't)
12: stand up for your
rights (or sit down)
13: lifeguard of love
14: i'm hungry
15: banjo bonnie
16: which one of you
gave my daughter the dope?
17: candyland joe
18: i had a second change done at the shop
(now i've added animal cocks)
19: who's sucking on grandpa's balls since grandma
ain't home tonight?
20: grandma sitting in the corner with a penis in her
hand going "no, no, no, no, no"
21: dreambox
22: reelin' & rockin' #2
REELIN' & ROCKIN' #1:
1, 2, 3, 4
The Frogs on your radio tonight and forever
looked at my watch it was quarter to one
i cummed
looked at my watch and it was quarter to two
i said "what did you use for lubricant baby superglue?"
looked at my watch and it was quarter to three
i said "god damn it bitch i gotta take a pee"
looked at my watch and it was 6 to 4
25 or, Terry Kath: Chicago
looked at my watch and it was quarter to 5
i said "i don’t know what you got down there bitch but i’m being eaten alive"
looked at my watch and it quarter to 6
she said "eww that smells like bratwurst" i said "well yours smells like tuna
fish"
looked at my watch and it was quarter to eight
(7!) whoops
looked at my watch and it was 9 to 10
here i cum again
looked at my watch and it was 10 to 11
fully extended twelve
looked at my watch and it was 13 o’clock
me and god just watching Scotty’s cock rock!
looked at my watch and it said 14
that’s jailbait baby
CHILDREN RUN AWAY (THE MAN WITH THE CANDY):
children in the school yard hard at play
man behind the trees with his candy on the way
run away
run away from the man with the candy
run away
children with the candy in his van
drive to a secluded location, down with the pants
children run away with the man with the candy
today
back at the schoolyard he's hard at play
joining in with all the children's games
children run away from the man with the candy
children run away
the principal has a few words for the man
"better get out of here and take your van"
and then he's gone as he rides past your lawn
children run away
the man with the candy
has come to play with you today
(back to top)
WHERE'S JERRY LEWIS?:
where’s jerry lewis when you need the man
where’s jerry lewis when no one gives a damn
there’s my man up on the stage
and with the children about four in age
they’re crazy, they’re crippled but they’re lovely
(and young) and young and wild and lovely
(and crippled) and crippled (and crippled)
and it’s a crime, they’re lovely (and lovely)
where’s jerry lewis, who’s on the stage soon
who’s comin’ up (coppin’ a feel from a crippled baboon)
i’ll give my money to any baboon
who’s crazy enough to win my money
and there’s a cripple so i'll give some more
oh there’s a fiver for you son
i love you (i love you, too)
your lovely cripple boy (crippled)
the lovely cripple boy (crippled motherfucker)
where’s jerry Lewis when you need the man
come labor day each year
where’s Jerry Lewis (wheelchair blues)
where’s Jerry Lewis (mmm winner, you’re a real winner)
where’s Jerry Lewis?
(back to top)
I'M EVIL, JACK:
i don't mind livin' without a heart
i like fuckin' people over for a fuckin' start
i like to kill, nobody gonna tell me what t' do
i'll bite you black and blue
then later on when you're bleedin' dead
i'll be laughin' right over your fuckin' face
i'll be pissin' on your grave
i'll piss on your grandma's tomb
i'm evil, i'm evil, jack
i don't have no confessions
i got no conscience, i take lives
as a bum would eat bread and butter, i'll take a life
as a bum would take swig from a bottle a whiskey
that's how i take your life missy
i'm evil, jack
there was a priest
who once tried to have a talk with me
i wouldn't listen
there was a priest
who once tried to have a speech with me
i got news for him, he's dead now
i'm evil, jack
you better you better keep a lookout behind your back
because i'm e-i-v-l j-a-c-k, jack
i got no hang-ups about nothin'
i'll take a life, i'll take more than a life
i'll take life over death
no you won't after you meet me
i'm evil, jack
you might as well have a heart attack
it's better than goin'...
the way i'll get a hold of you
the way you'll go
i'll let you know i'm evil, jack
(back to top)
APRIL FOOLS (HE HAD THE CHANGE DONE AT THE SHOP):
he had the change done at the shop
earlobes for cocks
april fools
he had his balls thrown over the top
like a mop of hair
april fools
he had his buttocks transferred
to his cheeks on his face
april doom
because then where would the poop come out of
ohh his mouth
well he decided he wanted a vagina down south
april fools
where his belly button once stood
now stood a cock with a mouth at the end that ate the food
well, what a peculiar guest he was
at summer swimming parties
what with the nipples protruding from his eyelids
and, of course, beneath his chin the penis
and on his knees the sacks, he had two put there
april fool
jester wally jewel boy navel-eyed jack wiglet bill
you’ve had your fill of transplants please
you wish you could change back at will but...
tits coming off the backside, 69 to be exact
i thought it was pretty many but you be the judge
april dick
well, he became a woman then a man
then a dog, then a sheep, then a man, then a god
he had 'em all put on his body
gimme 75 tits, gimme 1400 balls
gimme cocks coming out of every living pore
ohh vaginas everywhere, a walking sex machine
ohh wonderful at bathing parties
april fools
but this was no, no april fools
this was for real
this was goddamn scary when he walked through the village
when he took his place next to the other boys in line
to serve his patriotic duty
well, it’s kinda rude the way people stare
he said "i’d like all, all the things i had put on me
covered up with billions of pieces of hair"
(back to top)
THE BOYS WITH THE BOYS:
i told you 'bout love
i told you you'd get it as soon as i got it
i told you 'bout love
i told you you'd get it as soon as i gave it to you
boys you don't know what I got
aw girls you'll never get none of mine
it's for the boys
my rocks I only get off and give 'em to the boys
the boys should get the jewels and the finest kind
oh run your hand through my spine
oh boy boy you really know how to grind
oh girls give up
the boys are coming off the top with my head
there it goes whoops oh across the floor
past the jewels out the door
with the boys forget the girls
boys with boys girls get with the girls and
the boys with the boys
it's only right and natural
the boys with the boys
it's only what we should have done in the first place
fuck eve that was the problem from the start
if there would have been two adams
there'd have been no problem
none of this other shit would've ever happened
with the boys
ahh ahh get rid of the girls get with the boys
ahh raise your dildos high
we're the boys we'll run this town up n' down
we know what we're doin' we're the boys
(back to top)
I'M SAD THE GOAT JUST DIED TODAY:
i'm sad because my goat just died today
i'm sad my goat just fell in the hay hey
we're all sad the goat just died today
we're sad enough t' cry
sad, the goat just died tonight
we're sad, his funeral though will be out of sight
we're so sad, but in a way we're happy
he didn't suffer too much, he only got the cramps once
sad, oh the piece of poop
wouldn't come out of his belly
sad, we had to call Doc Nelly
we're sad
(back to top)
GWENDYLN MACRAE:
my daughter's missing
and so i'll call the authorities
i hope she hasn't been raped
this world's a mystery to me
ohh
she was a straight a student from Tennessee
a little mentally ill, but as parents we never notice these things
she's missing
i hope she's missing us today
'cause we love you
Gwendyln Macrae
ohh
the school said she'd never amount to much
and her boyfriends always wanted
at least a feel or a touch
and now she's missing
our daughter's missing today
i hope she hasn't been raped
this world's still a game, a mystery to us
as parents today
Gwendyln Macrae, we love you girl
Gwendyln Macrae, Gwendyln Macrae
where are you today?
Gwendyln Macrae
(back to top)
PUT YOUR FINGER IN THE
DIKE, STOP THE LEAK:
whatever you like
whatever you like
whatever you want
whatever you like
whatever you want
oh put your finger in the dike, stop the leak
squeaky Connie Kim John
your teacup is full of water
i ought to tell your mother on you
you weren't supposed to be seen with older men
younger ones are alright
Crystal Pete Patty had a hand job with Annie
oh her fanny boys twisted-up and greased-like
behind the boys there stood the older man
who controlled the flow of the dike
eventually tonight the leak stopped
alright yaah oh tonight silly granny Billy boy
he decided to try to plug the bottom of the ocean with his thumb
that didn't work it was too small so he tried his rump
that seemed to do the trick
(prick)
(back to top)
GOD IS GAY:
as god is my judge, god is gay
as god is my judge
there was something strange about Lucifer
something wrong with his hand
there was something strange about Jesus
he didn't follow Lucifer's command
Lucifer said "Jesus be straight"
Jesus said "the gates would never open if this was true"
ohh something about a vision in a park
of Jesus holding hands with an angel named Lark McGee
Lucifer therefore lost his wings
and all the angels sing, all the angels sing
god is gay
god is gay
(back to top)
I LOVE
U (YOU KNOW I DON'T):
i love you and i know you know i do
no arms, no legs but yes i’ll be true, i love you
i’ll visit you often because
i’ve got a thing for boys, you know i do
i’ll be here t' see you through
i love you, you know i don’t
what a burden it is
taking care of little creeps like you
i love you, i’ll take care of you
you know i do not care anymore if you live
you’re gonna ride that miniature pony i bought you
you better get some legs and some arms too ‘cause
i told you before
i don’t love you
you know i do
(back to top)
STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS (OR
SIT DOWN):
stand up for your rights to be women
stand up for your rights to be men, to be men
stand up for your rights to be humans
stand up for your rights to be gods
people gonna stop you
people gonna make you what they are
which is sad and depressed and
stand up for your rights to be animals
stand up for your right to be a vegetable
stand up, you got to stand up
well a lot of disrespect going down
towards the minerals
just because you’re a rock
don’t mean that you ain’t got a big fat lot of love
stand up for your rights
stand up for your rights
stand up for your rights or sit down
(back to top)
LIFEGUARD OF
LOVE:
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ooh yeah, yeah
lovely love at the beach with the men
in their nice tanned suits
some without anything on
a lifeguard all year long
all year long i’m a lifeguard
all year long i’m a lifeguard
rescuing men, i’ll help you out
you look a little stiff there man
looks like shark bite, help me
that looks like it needs some sucking out
oh yeah just a lifeguard
i’m a lifeguard on the beach for love
lifeguard, lifeguard of love
fuck off, fucked up
it’s wrong when men love women you know
men should only be with men
(back to top)
I'M HUNGRY:
i'm hungry, feed me now
i gotta eat something
give a shit, give me a piece of a cow
i'm hungry, come on where's the meat?
give me a piece of fruit, not that kind
i'm hungry
give a shit about lying around
in a nursing home watching TV
give me a piece of anything
hungry, i don't want to be your friend
i'm hungry, give me what you got on your plate
i'll, get your hands off, i'll take what i want
i'm hungry, i deserve this food
don't you dare not feed me food
i'm hungry, who isn't?
got something stuck in my throat
probably a piece of pheasant
what did' you put in this food? what are you poisoning me?
my throat is bent, my throat is all bent up
help nurse, my throat, the bent, the bent throat
i got a bent throat
what do you mean what the fuck's the pr(oblem)
the throat is bent
you can't eat food with a bent throat
you try fooding eat
you eat, yeah you eat all right
i watch you eat, i never get no food
what do i get leftovers, leftover leftovers
give me some rightovers for once
my throat wait a minute
but i'm hungry, i'm hungry
oh man i am hungry
(back to top)
BANJO BONNIE:
Banjo Bonnie, laced with honey
next to the corn bees in flight
they’re nothing like the bee from your queen-flowered teats
Banjo Bonnie, father William's honey
sweet and teaty buzzin' around, you sexy thing
your banjo’s playing songs to attract all the boys
but you prefer girls, which is natural
Banjo Bonnie, William bring the honey
her butter-corned loins are burning like bumble bee wax
the teeth of the local bees are becoming annoyed with you
you’re taking all the business away
your banjo playing so sweetly like the honey
it's so sweet and funny
here comes the fire truck again
it's all the honey bees are gonna lend you this time
you can’t be put out by any fire truck i know of
that’s right because it’s
Banjo Bonnie, your fanny is funny
when it’s buttered up and eaten by William
and the other honey bees laced with honey on their wings
and they’re flying, teats exposed
all around everyone’s laughing
but the dead bees you’ve eaten now
(back to top)
WHICH ONE OF YOU GAVE MY
DAUGHTER THE DOPE?:
(if i ever catch the guy who)
ok, which one of you guys gave my daughter the dope?
she ain’t livin’ no more
i just came from the coffin
cope, i’ll cope, i’ll cope with her goddamn death but
which one of you guys gave my daughter the dope?
oh come on one of you fucking coke addicts own up
and tell me, tell me how t' cope
you cope with a closed casket
full of doped-up daughter dope
ok which one of you fucking addicts
gave my daughter the dope?
one of you measly bastards is gonna pay
i’ll tell ya
don’t tell me t' cope
how the fuck do you cope
when your ten year old daughter’s life
is fucking snuffed
my wife just had an operation too
so i want to ask
which one of you creeps gave my daughter the dope?
this ain’t no fucking soap opera
this is my god damned daughter’s life here
we’re talkin’ about
i wanna know
which one of you bastard dogs
gave my daughter the dope?
it ain’t no miracle raisin' her up from the grave
but i’m gonna try
which one of you gave my daughter the dope?
(back to top)
CANDYLAND JOE:
Candyland Joe with his ass in a sling
he won't be doing much playing around this weekend
nevertheless he'll do his best
getting it on with black chicks by the dozens
he doesn't know the possibilities of aids
he's never heard of these things
he's been a secluded priest
all his life he's raped sisters
oh la la, la dee dee
oh the candy's falling out of his rectum
he keeps it in his rec room after dark
in the light of day all the candy melts away
Candyland Joe with his ass in a sling for this weekend
next week he'll be available again for business
by then ohh
(back to top)
I HAD A
SECOND CHANGE DONE AT THE SHOP (NOW I'VE ADDED ANIMAL COCKS):
i had a second change done at the shop
now i've added animal cocks
anything you can imagine i've got on
i added hippo balls and rhino balls to my eyelids
a couple up my nostrils and i'm much happier now
i'm really gay, so happy
giraffe balls for earlobes again
there's nothing like havin' a few friends attached
i may hatch, i may have to hatch
some impala balls to my ankles
and these zebra stripes
i gotta have a couple right up my backside oh yeah
animal parts, the change was real sharp
second change at the shop there's a discount
ohh added some other stuff
i don't know when i'll end
they say you can only put on so much
but i intend to put them all on just like noah's ark
right on top of one another if i have to
oh gorilla balls right underneath my tongue
it sounded like fun but it's hard t' eat
yeah it's hard t' eat with the squirrel balls
hangin' down from the roof, roof of my mouth
ruth was the attendant nurse by the way
who helped in the shop
let's give her a hand, lovely ruth
sloth balls and cocks
and i've added them all on top, a full mop of hair
impala balls
oh cheetah nuggets ha ha
lots of cheetah nuggets
(back to top)
WHO'S SUCKING ON
GRANDPA'S BALLS SINCE GRANDMA AIN'T HOME TONIGHT?:
baby
who's sucking on grandpa's balls
since grandma ain't home tonight?
slut!
(back to top)
GRANDMA SITTING IN THE CORNER WITH A PENIS IN HER HAND GOING
"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO":
grandma sitting in the corner with a penis in her hand
going "no, no, no, no, no"
it only goes to show
grandma sitting in the corner with a penis in her hand
going "no, no, no, no, no"
it only went to show
when the ambulance arrived
there wasn't a cock alive
grandma in the corner with a penis in her hand
going "no, no, no, no, no"
grandma in the corner with a beehive in her hand
going "no, no, no, no, no"
when the ambulance arrived today
all the penises were playing in the hay
grandma in the corner in her hand with a penis
going "no, no, no, no, no"
the ambulance man
saying "no, no, no, no, no"
grandma, oh grandma
you old fucking cunt bitch grandma
i'm gonna wring the penis from your hands
"oh no, no, no"
grandma, grandma
"no, no, no, no, no"
in the corner with your hands
you wrung your hands from the penis
you crazy witch
(back to top)
DREAMBOX:
dreambox, dreambox
baby's got a dreambox
wanna get inside your panties tonight
creambox, creambox
baby's got a creambox
wanna get inside your panties tonight
dreambox, dreambox
baby's got a dreambox
wanna get inside your panties tonight
dream
(back to top)
REELIN' &
ROCKIN' #2:
spare me some cock brother?
looked at my watch and it came on one
so did i
looked at my watch and it said 2, 3, 4
time sure flies when you're fucking
looked at my watch and it was going on 5
well, the more the merrier
looked at my watch and it was 666
devil cock
looked at my watch and it was 7 on the head
i haven't had this good of skull in years
looked at my watch and it was 899
the number to call for the sperm overdose hotline
looked at my watch and it was 10, 11, 12
Michelle, my belle
rock on, wolverine wiener breath
looked at my watch and it was 13 to 14
that’s how i like 'em
rock on
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